For the past several years, I feel like I had been living in a dream that I keep waiting to wake up from.

 

I guess it really started around September 2001. Before that, I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I knew where I was trying to take it even if I had mixed luck actually driving it there.

 

That day would have been the first time I found myself saying "can this really be happening?" I guess I never stopped asking that question.

 

Ever since, I've had this feeling that I am living in a forgettable time - an era that will someday pass. My kids' kids will read about this time on a lazy May afternoon in their history textbooks, assuming they ever get to modern history. My history classes frequently never made it much past WWII, but I read ahead anyway.

 

Anyway, if and when they do read about us and this time, perhaps they will call this the "post Sept. 11th era", or maybe "the Millenium turn", or just the 00's (spoken: "oh"s). In any case, it'll probably only get about half a page.

 

Personally, I would like it to be rembered as "the naughts".

 

I think it fits. It means both zero and meaningless.

 

One never really knows how something will turn out when you look back on it later, but I get the feeling that it will turn out to have been pretty pointless. Maybe I just wish that it will turn out to have been pointless.

 

A pointless decade, opened by a meangingless and cruel attack, followed by a succession of pointless and widespread worldwide violence, culminating in an unecessarily frustrating and futile war, and symbolized by the innefectual leadership of an irrelevant schmuck.

 

Is it any wonder that for eight years now, I haven't really truly wanted to get out of bed in the morning.

 

Four years ago, I nursed some hope that we would stop collectively drinking the Kool Aid and see things for what they really are. I threw myself into campaigning as hard as I could for what I believed in. I gave it my all - weeks of my time, my vacation, trips to other states, the maximum amount allowed by FEC rules. I exhausted myself for the sake of hope.

 

We all know how that battle eventually ended. Any chance I had at hope was crushed out of me.

 

As it turns out, my friend Nate was right when we proudly declared himself the founding member of Kerry Supporters for Bush. It turns out that demons do come home to roost, and four more years is probably the worst thing that W. could have ever done for himself and his party, both politically and historically. So I can laugh at that and not feel too bitter about putting it all on the line in 2004.

 

But, I did not get involved in the run up to the priamry this year. I did not pick a favorite. I didn't go out and canvass, or make calls, or travel to other parts of America. I didn't write letters, or letters to the editor. I didn't have the TV crews over my house to show them the power of ordinary people getting involved. I didn't dare have my heart broken a second time.

 

I watched. I've been watching for a while now, waiting for a sign that this feverish dream is coming to a close.

 

And then, something truly astounding happened.

 

Barack Obama is now the front runner for the democratic nomination for President of the United States. Say whatever you will about the candidates you favor, their values, policies, experience, whatever. A black man has had his ticket punched by a decidedly white and rural state. And to boot, they picked him over a woman, and an affable white guy.

 

I couldn't be happier, but have I fallen into another dimension?

 

Doesn't matter.

 

Today, when I feel a little anxious, when I feel like the world just isn't a safe place, like it's not what it's supposed to be, I can take a deep breath, lean back in my chair, and wrap myself in the warm-blanket-and-hot-cocoa feeling that comes from knowing that sometimes the world is not the dark, twisted, distopian place you believe that it is - at least not 100% of the time.

 

Whatever you think about Barack, or Democrats, or this guy's chances of taking this all the way, I think you have to admit that it'd be pretty cool if he does.

 

Because - if for no other reason - when he wins, he'll be making history. He made history last night, and he will do it again if he wins the nomination, and again if he wins the general election. His victory will mark the closing book end of an era that began with Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement.

 

He'll stand as a living testament to the fact that, imperfect as it is, this country belongs to all of us. He will remind millions that they should not give up hope for a better future, and they should never allow themselves to become disenfranchised - either by others' actions or their own inaction.

 

Little kids will grow up wanting to "Be Like Barack".

 

For the first time in a while, I see at least one possible future that ain't half bad.

 

Someone could still take this feeling of hope away from me. They have done it before. For today, I want to bask in it. I really hope that they don't. I feel stronger about this than anything I have felt in years. Because, I feel like the future this man envisions - and makes me see too - is so much brighter than dreadful past that I remember.